Just Call Me Cruella!

ME!

I may as well change my name to Cruella Da Vil after how I behaved this past weekend. I am the most horrible, evil and pathetic old lady ever! Let me explain to you all why......

Okay, this past weekend I had a reunion with an old friend from school whom I haven't seen for years; so I was rather excited to see her and catch up.
We met for dinner at Houston's, a local fine dining restaurant. We had a few drinks, and began reminiscing of our younger years.

She began to tell me that she recently quit her joba as a sales executive and is now a full-time blogger! I was surprised to tell the truth because the girl I remembered was too shy to put herself out there like that.  Flashback to a time when this very same girl was that quiet, shy kid that sat in the back of the class so noone would know she was there. We were roommates for a couple of years in college too and it was like pulling teeth to get her to go out.

Now, just to be clear I had a wonderful time seeing my friend. While I will admit that I was not entirely pure at heart at the moment, it helped me to "kick my own butt into gear."

"So what have you been doing that keeps you looking so young?" I asked her.  I was impressed with her voguish style of dress.

Photo credit: FashionWeekOnline

She wore an off-the shoulder white dress that hugged her size 2 body accompanied by a stunning white and cream cape embellished with a delicate string of rhinestones that decorated the collar. There was a silver flower brooch on her dress; it matched a smaller one that was displayed on her over-sized white hat. Her feet were adorned with Badgley Mischka white suede kitten heeled, classic d'Orsay silhouette shoes.

"Thank you for thinking that, you are so sweet. I suppose leaving the busy world of sales has a lot to do with it!" she chuckled. "Oh, guess what?" she said with the biggest grin ever. "I will be attending Fashion Week in Milan in a few months." She was like a little girl showing her best friend her new Barbie doll. She seemed so happy, she looked young.....she looked AMAZING!

At times, when she spoke, I felt myself falling into a trance from the softness in her voice...my God, was I infatuated with another woman?  What is wrong here?!

As she continued to do most of the speaking, all I could hear in my head was, "What happened to YOU!" Here I sit in my plain black suit jacket, a white button down blouse, black pants and my black Ann Cline Wedge Pumps.

I finally snapped out of what seemed to be hours of being frozen and unable to speak or move, so captivated by this one person and I admit I got lost in her world of wonders. I began to feel this weird feeling. Out of nowhere, I felt this extreme sense of anger and hate followed by jealousy and envy. As she continued to tell me about her upcoming trip to Italy, my feeling of anger began to get stronger. I no longer liked her, no, now I detested her!

Oh Cruella!

"Who does she think she is? She's no better than I am! I could be a famous blogger too...if I really wanted to!" All of these thoughts went through my mind. I began to feel jealous of her and envied her life. 

As I sat there, I thought to myself..."Really, what happened to me?" I used to be this cute, funny, outgoing, silly girl. Everyone liked me and I had so much excitement, what happened?

I couldn't believe how hard this was hitting me. I kept imagining that one day I will be a hot shot too and show her! I would pick her up in my limo and fly her out to Paris in my jet! Then we'll see who's become more successful! I'll show her!

After what seemed like a never ending pity party in my head, I excused myself and went to the ladies room in hopes that I could buy some time long enough for me to regain my composure and to stop feeling sorry for myself. In the stall I had a very harsh conversation with myself. (Yes, from time to time I do talk to myself...does that make me crazy?)

"Wow! Stop it! You are not this person!" I yelled at myself. Luckily, there was no one in the restroom. Why am I feeling this way? I thought to myself." You are a grown woman with different accomplishments. Accept it and be grateful." I told myself quietly.

I returned to the table and rejoined my girlfriend. After dinner we said our farewells and as we parted ways I felt sad. Sad because even though I felt jealous of her, while I was in her presence I felt alive, youthful, and unstoppable! But now, now I go back to the hum-drum of everyday life a.k.a. the housewife life!

I couldn't help but think about my evening all the way home. I must have replayed it at least 2 times in my head before I pulled into the driveway.

Cruella Da Vil

As I got inside the house, I was greeted by the family dog. Upstairs in the living room was my son. "Hey mom how was your night?" he asked. "Just fine son, I had a good time." I replied back."OK, good night mom." he dismissed me and went back to watching TV.  

I made the rounds and said good-night to my girls and went to my bedroom. Already in bed asleep was my husband. He had a long hard week at work so I wasn't too surprised he was out like a light already.

I turned the TV on and began to scroll through the channels trying to find something to watch or better yet something that would put me to sleep. As I lay in bed, I kept "seeing" my friend in my mind....she had grown so much and looked so happy. "I want that too!" I thought to myself. About that time, my husband let out a really loud snort, yes, he can get pretty loud snoring some nights. 

Anyway, I don't really want to discuss his snoring, let's get back to me. When I heard him snore, I turned to him and just stared at him. It's amazing how fast time goes by and I began to remember him when we first dated and I began to feel warm and happy inside. 

"You are blessed - don't forget. Look around you...You were given 3 healthy, beautiful children, a loyal, hard working and kind-hearted husband, you have pets galore, fantastic siblings and phenomenal parents. What more could you ask for?" THIS is what I heard...not the audio from the TV playing in the background but that little internal voice that appears from time to time to help you put things into perspective.

Staring at my husband still, I smiled and let out a deep sigh and all the feelings I had earlier of jealousy, envy, anger and hate went away. As strange as it sounds, I was reminded by my husband’s snoring of just how lucky I really am. I love my life! Sure it could always use improvement; however, I wouldn't trade it out for anything. We have grown so much together and have created a good life together.

I may not be a Famous Fashionista but honestly, I don't want that anyway. I will find my own passion; I will make my own dreams come true. Besides, I am living a dream - the dream in which God has given to me so I just need to add bonuses here and there.

Undoubtedly, I was being tested, I may have started off failing but in the end I think I passed the test, or I hope so at least. All I know is momentarily, I allowed myself to feel negative and felt like the most horrible person alive.  

I wanted to share this with you all just to show that it's normal to feel these things, as long as you are not acting in a negative manner that will hurt or harm other individuals.  Once I counted my blessings I realized I'm not evil, just human.

Let's see what adventures I have for you next time...until then be kind to one another!