Ready to Get Off This Crazy Train!

I get so sick and tired of feeling down in the dumps! Anybody else sick and tired of the same thing? I'm ready to get off this crazy train yo-yo of a ride!  

In a past post I believe I shared my hope in getting my home organized and with minimal clutter, which by the way, is a hard task to do especially when there are 4 other people in the house who are not necessarily making the upkeep any easier! {Shiny squirrel moment: I can sympathize with those poor folks on that Hoarders reality t.v. show, some things are just hard to part with.}  I digress...  

Anyway, along the way of cleaning I discovered that I have way too many pictures and needed to go through and somewhat organize them.  After sometime of working on this project, I noticed I had 2 separate piles going. Pictures of me - the ones I didn't like to see, the ones that go in the "burn baby, burn" pile.  It's those really horrible unflattering pictures of ourselves that make us want to vomit. You know the pile...we all have them! The other pile consisted of the pictures I thought I looked decent in and didn't want to burn.

In glancing through those "burn a hole through my eyes" pictures, I began to get curious and did a little experiment. I began to arrange all different pictures of me in timeline fashion according to how I looked and what my smile looked like. What I observed was that every 5 years or so I go through a cycle. It appears that this year puts me in the "feeling bad about myself" cycle. Great times ahead! NOT!!  Anyway, this is the same rut I get into and let me tell you something.....I am sick and tired of it! 

So what happened? Why do I have this tendency to go back and forth? This is the mystery I have to solve!

Self Diagnosis of how I felt about myself at the time the photo was taken according to what my smile looked like:

1 year ago I felt good about myself, 

5 yrs ago I felt great about myself, 

10 yrs ago I felt horrible about myself, 

15 yrs ago I felt bad about myself, 

20 yrs ago I felt good about myself and 

25 yrs ago I felt great about myself!  

I'm trying real hard to identify these moods sooner than I did in the past so I can deal with them in a more logical way - a.k.a. start buying "mommy juice boxes" more often to deal with reality! 

For real though, it's been 4 days into getting back on track of getting healthy and I get hit with a dose of  "Debbie Downer!" Really, my little bit of happiness couldn't last just a wee-bit longer?
Day 1 - not bad, slow start. feeling scared of failing again
Day 2 - pretty good - challenging but doable. feeling hopeful
Day 3 - getting comfortable with intensity increase. feeling upbeat
Day 4 - feeling good, not the best but hopeful - body sore but in a good way.  feeling positive
Day 5 - low impact workout - body sore, tired but too many days to just quit. feeling down and gloomy

So back to the pile of pictures. If you are wondering if I burned those pictures the answer is NO. I did not burn those pictures.  Why?  Well you see, after staring at them for sometime, I asked myself "How much longer are you going to torcher yourself, what are you waiting for, burn them already!" Then it hit me...I decided that if I burned those pictures I won't have a visual reminder.  To remind me of who I am, where I've been, what I am about as well as who I don't want to be.  Big or small I am still the same person.

Those pictures will give me the motivation to keep going, make a small change everyday. I am going to live like there is no tomorrow. I'm going to climb the highest mountain and swim across the seas! Okay, okay maybe I'm exaggerating but I am most certainly am going to try new things this year!

Until next time....be kind to one another!